Are you a hypochondriac, or someone who likes to call in sick a couple of times a month? Worried that your excuses are getting stale? Have you used nearly every ailment or injury listed in your battered Physician’s Desk Reference?
Don’t worry about a thing! I’m here to help. Listed here, free of charge, is a list of sicknesses or conditions guaranteed to be new to your beleaguered bosses and co-workers!
1) Cranial Cooties
2) Prolapsed Nostril
3) Dislocated Eyebrow
4) Sema (when your ejaculate begins to taste like a defunct malt beverage)
6) Wandering Pancreas
8) Chicken Breasts (you’ve suddenly started growing feathers on your torso)
9) Sprained Nipple
11) Floppy Lung
12) Shakespearean Incontinence (To pee or not to pee, that is the question)
13) Rubber Ankles
14) Inverted Spleen
15) Liver Slivers
16) If-I-Had-A-Hammertoe (Like a regular hammertoe, but condition can only be alleviated by folk music)
Enjoy! Print off this page as a handy-dandy checklist, and Happy Sick Day!