Wednesday, January 23, 2013

You Think You're Sick?

Are you a hypochondriac, or someone who likes to call in sick a couple of times a month?  Worried that your excuses are getting stale?  Have you used nearly every ailment or injury listed in your battered Physician’s Desk Reference?

Don’t worry about a thing!  I’m here to help.  Listed here, free of charge, is a list of sicknesses or conditions guaranteed to be new to your beleaguered bosses and co-workers!

1)      Cranial Cooties

2)      Prolapsed Nostril

3)      Dislocated Eyebrow

4)      Sema (when your ejaculate begins to taste like a defunct malt beverage)

5)      Coca-Colitis

6)      Wandering Pancreas

7)      Ring-Around-The-Collarbone

8)      Chicken Breasts (you’ve suddenly started growing feathers on your torso)

9)      Sprained Nipple

10)  X-Meningitis

11)  Floppy Lung

12)  Shakespearean Incontinence (To pee or not to pee, that is the question)

13)  Rubber Ankles

14)  Inverted Spleen

15)  Liver Slivers

16)  If-I-Had-A-Hammertoe (Like a regular hammertoe, but condition can only be alleviated by folk music)

Enjoy!  Print off this page as a handy-dandy checklist, and Happy Sick Day!

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